#FOURTY-SEVENTHCONFESSION

"Find a woman that's too good for you and become a better man for her. You're supposed to be with someone who makes you a better human being"

*SPOLIER ALERT - DON'T READ THIS UNLESS YOU HAVE READ MY BOOK*

So many of you have been asking if there will be a sequel to COAMM. I would like to let you all know that I am currently working on this. I will be sharing small snippets from the current works, these will not be full confessions and won't necessarily be in order like the last, this next book is something that will shock a number of you. Please be patient as I get this underway and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for helping to get me this far! So many exciting things to come. 

xx Ava

#COAMMPLAYLIST
 - NAIVE 
MIA ROSE

By the time we had reached the border of the crowd I felt as though all eyes were on us. Hugh grabbed my hand and yanked me behind the black curtain that concealed the backstage area. I knew deep down that people weren’t looking at us but considering the circumstances of our relationship my nerves always managed to bring out the worst in me. I knew that Hugh was not going to let this go and whatever he planned to do or say would rattle me to the core, sending me through a whirlwind of emotions. The strength of his grasp was enough to indicate that what was coming next but the moment he thrust me up against the wall, my head hitting the wooden platform of the stage, I had the wind literally knocked out of me. His lips closed over mine and in an instant my hands flew up to run through his hair as he pulled my back closer to his body. The close proximity, his cologne, rapid heart beat and ragged breath tore me to shreds. The hunger and desire rippled through me as he nibbled on my bottom lip in between each sensual kiss, driving me wild. The love and lust between us was almost too much to bare. Out of now where I pulled my hand down to his chest and shoved him away. I was so clouded, at any moment someone could have caught us and as much as that was exciting, I couldn’t risk it.
“Ava?” He said cautiously as I ran my hands through my hair before resigning my head to the palms of my hands.
“Hugh you have to stop this” I responded trying to think rationally.
“What are you talking about?” He said daring to take a step forward and placed a hand on my shoulder, steadying himself and sending further volts of electricity through my body.
“Hugh!” was all I managed to say eerily quiet, locking eyes with him and warning him to remove his hand from my shoulder.
“Ava, what’s going on?” he was genuinely perplexed. I wasn’t the kind of person to snap unless there was something seriously wrong and he knew it.
“Hugh people are beginning to suspect something between us. I’m still trying to establish myself in this industry and have so much to lose, I can’t have you whisking me away in front of people like that. It’s not like you and I don’t want to hear anymore whispers” I exhaled knowing I was on the brink of tears. I was torn between wanting to be everything he needed and creating a the career of my dreams.
“What the fuck are you talking about Ava. We aren’t doing anything wrong” he responded clearly irritated.
“You’re married!” I yelled at the same time the bass dropped in the crowd a meter from us.
“Fuck Ava” he responded hitting the wall behind my head. I stood still, not fearing him but rather fearing the idea of losing him. He took a moment, turned and walked away before stopping mid step and spun around and stalked back at me briskly. Inches from my face he looked me deep in the eyes before speaking.
“Ava, I wouldn’t be fucking around with just anyone if I didn’t actually care about you. I wouldn’t risk everything I have in my life on someone that was disposable to me. Don’t you fucking get it. You need to open your pretty little eyes and realise that before it becomes too late. For fuck sake I’m here with YOU because I NEED to be. You intoxicate me, I need to be around you and as much as that sucks at times I can’t get enough and I know you feel the same way otherwise why the fuck are you even here?” He waited a few seconds before pulling back, running his hands over his face and walking away. Taking one last look at me standing in the same position against the wall dumbfounded before shaking his head and walking through the curtain, disappearing into the crowd. It took me a few minutes to realise what had just happened. I knew that I had probably overacted but I was too scared about what would happen if we were caught out. Would it change everything for the better or the worse? Would he leave because the going got tough or would he stand by me and not let me get eaten by the wolves, he seemed to be getting even more careless. I didn’t know what it was that had changed between us but something had shifted, it wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad it was a level of comfort that I was afraid to put my heart on the line for. Once I had composed myself I emerged and ran into Lil, literally.
“Hey, where have you been?” she said with a twinkle of suspicion in her eye.
“Not now Lil, it’s not what you think” I said almost snapping.
“Hey I'm not judging you. Just be careful” Like I didn’t know how careful I had to be, wasn’t that the reason that I just lost it at Hugh?…No and deep down I knew there was something more to my snap than I wanted to accept, fear was consuming me again and this time I couldn’t put my finger on why.
* * * * 
“Where did you go just now?” I heard Lil say, she had been talking to me and I hadn’t been paying one bit of attention.
“Back to that night at the event Lil” I said ashamed that I had let myself slip back into that moment in time.
“Ava love, you need to get out of there. It’s not going to change. He can’t be what you need him to be. He is never going to be what you deserve. Tell him where to shove it and leave” As hard as it was to hear I knew she was telling me the truth, I knew that no matter how much I tried and how much I sacrificed it was never going to be okay, we were never going to move forward and for that I hated myself almost as much as I hated him in that VERY moment. I’m not saying it was his fault although I know he could have done more, If only I hadn’t been so fricken naive to think that I was going to get my happily ever after with the gorgeous man I knew could NEVER be mine. I should have walked away a long time before hand, I should have listened to that feeling the first night I met him, I should have trusted myself knowing that he was never going to change and I definitely should have trusted the times that I knew something wasn't adding up. All I knew in that moment as I picked myself up from the floor of the balcony, looked out at the beach in front of me and stared into the endless ocean was that I had no idea how I was going to live my life without Hugh Montgomery.

                                                                                  TO BE CONTINUED...


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