#SEVENTEENTHCONFESSION

Ok I have been extremely unwell these past couple of days and I still havent been able to kick this cold. It has been extremely painful because all I really want to do is sleep .

Im sitting out on the patio of my house in my black cashmere jumper IN SUMMER!

Im currently listening to "Breakeven" by The Script.

This song really does capture how I was feeling the next day as I had to return to court.

"I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing...Just prayin to a god that I dont believe in". 

Firstly I haven't ever been a religious person but on that day I actually did find myself praying for it to be over. I wanted to walk away unscathed.

When I arrived at the court house the next day I really was falling to pieces. I was so scared for I had no idea what was really going to happen. I knew I just wanted my phone back, and I wanted to go home.

I walked in and sat down waiting for the woman to bring down my phone so I could go home.

30 minutes after I arrived she finally came down. She was not baring good news. When they tried to back up my phone and get the information they required my phone had apparently crashed their systems....multiple times.

I knew that was complete horsesh*t but what could I do?

I argued with her advising that I needed my phone to run my business and that they couldnt keep it!

She then came back down with a court order to say that she could.

I did not want to be taking the phone they had given me home as I was almost 100% sure it was bugged!

I burst into tears.

I wasnt crying for the phone...I was crying because once again I was in a position that I could not control and it was something that was really starting to bring me down. 

When I arrived home I went to see my mother and realised that I had to make a decision....If Hugh was convicted and sent to Jail (which was a very real possibility)....would I put him behind me or would I continue to be there for him....would I wait?

Every single fibre of my being told me I knew the answer...I would wait...but the problem was I knew that I was in over my head....and I really needed to speak with Hugh....I had a few things I needed to talk to him about and the problem was....when was the right time?

When I arrived home I arranged to meet with my lawyer and debrief.

As I sat in his city view office finishing the story of what had happened my lawyer sat in his high back chair behind his mahogany desk that was piled high with paperwork soaking up ever sordid detail from the motel to the court case.

"What they did, taking you to that motel is a serious offence. We have a number of options. We can go after them for severe stress of which it is very obviously caused you, Or..." He paused and took a deep breath which made me extremely uncomfortable. I just wanted him to spit it out!

"The conduct of the detectives whilst they were in town is extremely questionable. It could be the very thing that gets this case thrown out. In a court of law if these actions were brought before a judge it would be very easy for any solicitor to pick at the interrogation techniques and show reasonable doubt to their interrogation techniques for other witnesses and because of their questionable tactics it would cast reasonable doubt over how other testimonies were taken. Which would allow the opportunity for them to be thrown out...and then what would they have?. They were on a fishing expedition with you and if you were caught up in this...who else was....hence the reasonable doubt. If you were to seek legal advice from a certain lawyer in that state...you would not be in violation as this is a lawyer who is well versed in the law of that state. If it happened to be the same lawyer as Hugh....well thats just a coincidence" 

As I took in what he said I couldnt help but feel that this would work.

As soon as I left the office I called Hugh's lawyer and left a message asking for him to call me back.

After 3 days I was starting to get nervous. Couldnt the lawyer see that this was extremely urgent and that I could help with this case?

I called Hugh's new mobile number and asked him how I could contact his lawyer.

I didnt say why but he knew.

Eventually his lawyer called me back and immediately rubbed me up the wrong way. He advised me that he was recording the conversation. I was extremely uncomfortable about this but I agreed. He then proceeded to tell me that I was not able to tell him if I had been involved in a secret hearing and that I was not allowed to say anything. He asked if I understood this. I said yes.

Half way through asking his advice on this and telling him that I wanted to know if a) this would help and b) what I could do he asked me outright if I had been involved in a secret hearing!!!

I really didnt get anything out of that conversation and I felt that I was on trial!

He began asking me about my personal relationship with Hugh but I kept tight lipped. I refused to say anything other than the fact that we were close friends! He asked me if I had ever slept with Hugh and I thought that was the most vulgar question to ask someone you didnt know!.

After I got off the phone I called Hugh and went off my brain! I told him he needed to get a new lawyer and told him what his lawyer had asked me!

I never told Hugh a thing about what I was caught up in and I felt so lonely because I had to keep it to myself! I felt so closed off and I felt like I couldnt talk to Hugh at all. He was so cold and couldnt even talk to me.

The best song to describe how I felt would be "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis.

I was in such a bind. I felt so crippled, I felt so bare and most of all I felt so alone!

What came next was going to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to face.

Every single day I found myself having to google what was happening.

One morning when I woke up, I got dressed, Brushed my teeth and got dressed for work. I googled the situation and clicked on a link.

My phone rang and I answered the call which lasted only 3 minutes.

I realised I was running late so I put on my nude shoes, grabbed my bag and ran out the door.

On the way to work I realised I hadnt read the article so I opened it.

As I began reading it my heart sank, my eyes welled with tears and I almost vomited....The article stated that Hugh had been followed by paparazzi to his home the night before where they could not gain access for comment due to the gates....I instantly recognised the house as the house that he owned with his wife!

I burst into tears as my mind went into overdrive. As I continued reading it stated that when they tried to contact him in the morning at the same house he advised that he couldnt talk as he was with his family.

I couldnt understand what he was doing back there. He was sleeping in that house, so did that mean that he was back together with her, did it mean that they were never separated and he had lied, did it mean that he was just spending time with his family because he had done something wrong......what the hell did it mean???

I was so scared to find out the meaning behind it, I was making myself sick but I couldnt bring myself to ask him...so instead I just let my mind beat me up...I couldnt understand why he would be back in that house....I couldnt bare loosing him but could I really stay with someone who had gotten back with their wife?

I was so confused. I was.....destroyed and yet I didnt have the courage to find out what the hell was going on...so instead I cried and prepared myself for the worst....that I would have to say goodbye either way....It was time to accept that this was the end for Hugh and I!

xx Ava